Before I even start… this photo is from January of 2015… Though I wish it was recent, it’s not!
In January of 2015, I was asked to be in a Dicks Sporting goods campaign. I was so flattered, shocked and excited. I thought I was in horrible shape and, of course, that I looked fat but I showed up, got glammed up and donned the outfits they wanted me in. I tried to suck it in and do my best to look thin. The photos came out great and they were really happy with them, but when I looked at the photos all I could think to myself was, “Well, what if this was different? Or if this part of my body was more toned and in shape. I should have done this and this. I could have not eaten that treat and been in better shape. I could have worked out more.” I focused so much on how much I didn’t like the way I looked, instead of focusing on the fact I was asked to be in the campaign and how amazing that was. Now, looking at these photos now I realize I was in great shape and how I should have been happy with how I looked, because we are just a little bit (read: A LOT) away from where I was then. Ha!
A funny things is, I also didn’t know I was 7 weeks pregnant at the photo shoot! I was focusing on training for Boston and trying to get my body back up to running higher mileage and didn’t understand why I felt so sluggish. Now, a year after having a baby, I’m back to being overly critical of myself. When I was pregnant it was hard for me to accept my changing body. I was hard on myself and unhappy with how I looked. Now, I have a fun little baby to take care of and fitting in workouts is hard, but I need to give myself a chance to get back to where I was and not focus on how flabby my arms are or the changes my stomach went through. I need to give myself grace and keep working hard and realize this is just a different time in my life.