Before I even start… this photo is from January of 2015… Though I wish it was recent, it’s not!
In January of 2015, I was asked to be in a Dicks Sporting goods campaign. I was so flattered, shocked and excited. I thought I was in horrible shape and, of course, that I looked fat but I showed up, got glammed up and donned the outfits they wanted me in. I tried to suck it in and do my best to look thin. The photos came out great and they were really happy with them, but when I looked at the photos all I could think to myself was, “Well, what if this was different? Or if this part of my body was more toned and in shape. I should have done this and this. I could have not eaten that treat and been in better shape. I could have worked out more.” I focused so much on how much I didn’t like the way I looked, instead of focusing on the fact I was asked to be in the campaign and how amazing that was. Now, looking at these photos now I realize I was in great shape and how I should have been happy with how I looked, because we are just a little bit (read: A LOT) away from where I was then. Ha!
A funny things is, I also didn’t know I was 7 weeks pregnant at the photo shoot! I was focusing on training for Boston and trying to get my body back up to running higher mileage and didn’t understand why I felt so sluggish. Now, a year after having a baby, I’m back to being overly critical of myself. When I was pregnant it was hard for me to accept my changing body. I was hard on myself and unhappy with how I looked. Now, I have a fun little baby to take care of and fitting in workouts is hard, but I need to give myself a chance to get back to where I was and not focus on how flabby my arms are or the changes my stomach went through. I need to give myself grace and keep working hard and realize this is just a different time in my life.
It’s not only about weight either. I remember comparing my times to others when I run, our house to others, and being a mom, it’s easy to compare every little thing to other babies and families. At the end of the day, it’s my happiness that matters. Comparison is the thief of joy and it’s definitely not worth it. Looking forward instead of at those around me is so important.
It’s easy to run and think, I should have done more mileage, a different training plan, ran for longer or faster, but in all reality, just getting in a run should make me happy and I need to enjoy that feeling instead of being upset I didn’t run faster.
Looking at these photos now, I’d kill for that body again! Knowing I can get there is motivation to keep fitting in my workouts and knowing that most people in my life probably don’t care about the extra weight I’m carrying or that my arms just aren’t as toned as they use to be is. I will get there one day again and like I say with running, it’s about the journey, not only about the starting and ending point. I know it won’t happen over night and I’m now especially glad I have these pictures to show C one day to say, Look at what your mom did when she was pregnant with you!
It’s important to remember this… always – no matter what you’re doing.