So I started running again. It’s been a slow go to get back out there and to be honest, I was terrified to start running again. I wanted to so badly but I was so scared to try it. Many people told me it would just be different, and it is. Just like with birth stories, it seemed like I heard all negative ‘getting back into working out stories’, which were a bit intimidating. I waited two and a half months and for a complete doctors clear to start back up again. It was such a foreign feeling lacing up my shoes, putting on workout clothes that I’d actually workout in and opening up my runkeeper app, but I just told myself that I could do this and to focus on getting started again and nothing else.
When I started I was really worried about not being able to control my bladder, which many people told me would be an issue. Thankfully, it hasn’t been so I am really grateful for that. I do feel my skin being more floppy, which is a weird feeling, and it’s hard to describe but my hips just feel loose. I mean a baby did jiggle things around down there, so I know it’s going to take some time to adjust to things and to lose the weight that I gained. I am really grateful I didn’t gain a lot but things have shifted.
Many people have told me that I look really great for just having a baby, and I am really appreciative of that, but I just feel so different and my clothes fit differently. It’s hard for my self confidence because I don’t feel like my old self and running is a whole new world. I don’t know when I’ve taken almost a full year off from it. When I run now, it’s a tad disheartening to see my pace and feel so out of shape because I am a competitive person but I know it will just take time and consistency.
Now, I’m looking to lose a few pounds and get back to feeling close to my old self. When I used to want to lose weight, I’d take extra time at the gym or when I was out running. It would only take away from B and I’s time and if he was at work I was free to do whatever I wanted. Now I have to plan my entire schedule around Cora which isn’t a big deal but just takes some extra time figuring out how it will all work. I also have been trying really hard to keep a clean home and stay on top of my work and chores so finding a balance has been something I am working on. Another thing to take into consideration is the STROLLER. Holy cow pushing that thing is way harder than I imagined. It’s so heavy! I love it but shoot it’s hard. I’ll be happy when she graduates from the car seat to being able to be in the stroller alone. I am very thankful B is home some days and that makes running easier because I don’t have to take the stroller.
Now that I’ve run four times and my legs don’t feel as jello-y as when I started, I’m ready to start really getting back into running but one thing I thought a lot about on my run this morning is that I have to make it a priority. It has to be something I want to do and I have to carve out the time to do it. Right now it’s normally 30 minutes because I am sticking to running 3 miles. I have to take the effort to be in my running clothes when she wakes up and after her morning bottle off we go. I’ve been making excuses but I just need to do it. Sometimes just making it out the door makes me proud and I know I am at the point where I am ready to do this for me. I always come home from a run feeling so much better and I need to remember that when I’m prepping to get ready to go in the morning. It keeps me sane, allows me to think and makes me an overall happier person.
I’ve found that if I focus on time when I run with the stroller I don’t find myself as discouraged when I get home and look at the pace. When I run without the stroller, I want to focus on my breathing and enjoying the run and freedom.
I know I can do this and I know it will take time but I’m officially ready both mentally and physically to start getting back out there on a consistent basis. I’m sure I’ll be posting more consistently since no one else wants to hear about how my running adventures are going besides the internet. Here goes nothing!