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Throwing Iron Around

Dearest Gym,

Tonight you and I shall be reunited. I know, it’s been some time since I’ve stepped foot into your dimly lit and overly mirrored areas, but I’m pretty excited to let these pythons out of their cage. Snake alert.

Hopefully while I’m there I’ll be getting my swoll on and getting jacked up on protein shakes with some meatballs. Not to be cliche but I wanna be like Fergie, find me at the gym workin’ on my fitness. Time to get back up on that spin bike to find myself dripping sweat all over after the short time period of 15 minutes.

I can only hope the usuals are there. The one guy who wears the muscle T that was a homemade craft project gone awry when he tried to cut it into a v-neck. The three high school boys who probably together weigh the grand total of 150 pounds and repeatedly bench press the bar and remind me of Justin Bieber. The guy in the pool who likes to share a lane with me and then creeps closer and closer while we are swimming so I end up punching him in the head with my graceful strokes and feel terrible.

I can’t wait to be so out of breath and so thirsty to only taste your warmish water on my lips. I can’t wait to see the little cheerleader pumping away on the elliptical, chewing gum, talking on her cell phone and reading the latest US. The one guy on the treadmill that will be on when I get there and still there when I leave, not even looking like he’s emitting any effort. The cute grandpa who takes the little 8 pound weights and does some arm curls as his glasses fog up.

We shall be reunited and I can’t wait until I feel the baby muscles in my t-rex arms shaking since they haven’t done much but raise the fork to my mouth lately.

Time to let the She Wolf out of the closet. And you know what comes after a She Wolf? Bathing Suits. UGH!


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  • Reply Sheridan

    LOL! you are so funny and if you dont look hot in a bikini I friggin give up! have fun!

    May 11, 2010 at 12:50 pm
  • Reply Lisa

    Oh man, you described a globo gym to a T!! Sounds very, very painful! Have you ever checked out a crossfit gym? I love throwing iron around at my gym! I finally learned to embrace the snatch, (yes, I said snatch)clean and jeark, power clean, hang clean press, push press and push jerk!! If you haven’t checked one out you should! I guarantee you won’t regret it! :-)

    May 11, 2010 at 12:50 pm
  • Reply Kelly

    I’m sooo not ready for bathing suits. Example A, this weekend.

    May 11, 2010 at 12:50 pm
  • Reply Audrey

    It’s not only old grandpas doing arm curls with little 8lb weights. What? I’m not very strong!

    I’ve been getting reacquainted with my gym as well. But I’m hopeless on my own so I’ve been relying on classes to keep me motivated and it’s working ok so far!

    Have fun tonight!

    May 11, 2010 at 12:52 pm
  • Reply Abbie

    Oh my goodness… this one had me laughing out loud. Same people, different gym.

    May 11, 2010 at 1:26 pm
  • Reply Naomi

    your gym friends have relatives at my gym too! LOL

    have a great workout!

    May 11, 2010 at 1:43 pm
  • Reply Amy

    HAHAHA! Epic.

    May 11, 2010 at 2:14 pm
  • Reply christina cadden

    haha, hope you have a great workout!

    May 11, 2010 at 2:15 pm
  • Reply Katie @ Two Lives, One Lifestyle

    HAHA great gym nostalgia, it almost makes me want to go do some weight lifting..

    May 11, 2010 at 2:18 pm
  • Reply Amy B @ Second City Randomness

    I have a shirt that I rock out at the gym that used to be an ex boyfriends. He made it into a cutoff, as well. And the sides are horribly uneven. I don’t think anyone else gets it that I wear it to be funny…

    May 11, 2010 at 2:30 pm
  • Reply Beth B.

    Heh – Danica – that was great! Love it! :-) Have a great time at the gym and I hope it is all that you have imagined it to be (and more!)

    May 11, 2010 at 2:58 pm
  • Reply Pam

    Don’t forget the girls in full on make up on the bike/treadmill/eliptical. Probably the same ones you can smell their perfume before you even enter the gym and then you get to taste it while you are running on the treadmill..ugh

    May 11, 2010 at 3:36 pm
  • Reply Heather (

    so cute, love it!
    I am not a cheerleader, but I do read US on the elliptical! HAHA! I cant help it, I get bored!

    May 11, 2010 at 7:42 pm
  • Reply Glenn Jones

    Ha ha! I’ve forgotten how summer is reason that people hit the gym. Getting old sucks….

    May 12, 2010 at 7:23 am
  • Reply Brandi

    Hilarious! Some of the same folks at my gym! I can’t stand the muscle heads that feel the need to scream and yell as they lift weights. I mean really, if it hurts that much, why do it? :)

    May 12, 2010 at 7:38 am
  • Reply Nikki

    HAHAHAHA! My gym people = your gym people! Apparently the same types exist all over the country! Oh and I also have loud grunting guy, the flirting teenager group and the “walk on the treadmill at an insane incline while holding on for dear life” girl. Love this!

    May 12, 2010 at 10:12 am
  • Reply Rachel

    Haha great visuals!

    May 12, 2010 at 11:06 am
  • Reply Tara

    I shall use you as my motivation to pump more iron…I am slacking and I need to get these guns ready for the gun show.

    May 12, 2010 at 1:02 pm
  • Reply Kelly @ Healthy Living With Kelly

    AWESOME! Everyone needs a reminder as to why weights are important…if a bikini isn’t it then I don’t know wha is!!! haha!

    May 12, 2010 at 2:30 pm
  • Reply gwen

    i loveeeeee that you pointed out the little soffe short wearing high school girl on her cell phone- they seem to take over about this time of year and as they continue to flirt with the meathead trainers i think about how one day their metabolism will slow down :)

    May 14, 2010 at 11:42 am
  • Reply Nichole

    Hysterical! Ah every gym has the creeper, the closer, the cheerleader, etc. I’ll be sure to buy my ticket now to the gun show!!

    May 16, 2010 at 8:43 am
  • Reply Brandon

    This post is cracking me up. I feel like you work out at Vince Vaughn’s gym “Average Joe’s”. LOL. You forgot the Spray-tanned-orange body builder folks…or are there not any at “Average Joe’s”? And the sweating part reminds me of the song Sandra Bullock sings in The Proposal (Get Low), “til the sweat drips down my…”! LOL! OH, and we need to come up with a more mullet-ified name for your “guns/pythons”… I can’t come up with any funny new monikers right now, but I’ll think about it. Maybe for now you should start by naming your biceps. Ok, funny post. Keep em coming.

    May 17, 2010 at 9:07 am
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