Days like today remind me that I’m thankful to be alive. I’m thankful to have the family and friends that pepper my life with happiness. I cannot believe my life is what it is. I’ve done so many things I never though possible and sometimes when I think about all the things I’ve accomplished it blows my mind. I’ve ran 5 marathons, and I never really wanted to run one. I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for and their love for me means the world to me. I am happier than I ever have been in my life and I know I am in control of that happiness. I look around at pictures in my room and smile at all the memories that I have made throughout my life. I could have never guessed this would be my life, or that I would ever be where I am today, but I am so incredibly lucky to have gotten here.
But it’s days like today when I am reminded that a giant piece of my heart is missing. That the memories that I made for the first twenty years of my life would be different from April 6, 2006 forward. But before I get tripped up on how much I miss her, and how much I wish she was still here, waiting for me at the finish lines of one of my races, wanting to know how my training was going and calling to see if I was okay after a long day of work, I realize how incredibly blessed I was to have her for the twenty years that I did.
It would be selfish of me to think anything else. Her attitude made the sassy, independent, stubborn, caring person I am today. I will forever be grateful for my mom being a part of my life. I will forever be grateful for her fighting cancer for four years and showing me who I wanted to be when I grew up. I miss her saying that she is proud of me the most, but I know that is so incredibly proud of me and what I’ve become.
Four years ago my life changed forever when my mom died of breast cancer. Four years ago I learned the definition of hurt and pain. But four years I started learning more about myself and who I was and what I wanted to stand for. I learned what was important and what I wanted to live for. I have you to thank for that, Mom. You’ve taught me more than any book ever could. You’ve taught me that life is short and I have to embrace special moments and live for today. That I should tell people I love them and do things I normally wouldn’t, and I’ve never been happier.
I will forever be grateful for the blessing you were and continue to be in my life, for the lessons you’ve taught me, and the love you shared with me, but I will forever miss you.