So after so many great comments about learning more about my adoption and the fact that I think adoption is rad, I wanted to share my story I’ve decided that I will take one day a week in the month of April to talk about my adoption. I’m going to call it Adoption April as I did last year, and if you don’t care about learning more about adoption or hearing my story and how I was adopted then you can just skip right over these posts! It will take place every Friday in April. I really do not mind talking about it at all, and if you have any questions please feel free to ask me. I just hope this raises more awareness to adoption and answers questions that people might otherwise be afraid to talk about. This is what I wanted to talk about:
1. Why I was adopted – this is when I will talk about why I was put up for adoption and how the process worked for my parents at the time.
2. Growing up adopted - this is when I will discuss how I felt growing up adopted and how my parents handled me being adopted and any questions I may have had and may still have regarding my adoption
3. My thoughts on adoption - this is where I will talk about how I think adoption shaped me as a person and how I think many people can benefit from adoption. I will also voice what I think about secrecy and how some people have reacted to me being adopted.
4. All about my Birth Parents - this is when I will talk about the few things I know about my birth parents, including if I want to meet them or not, why I do or don’t and what I feel about them.
5. Q&A on Adoption - this is where any of you can ask any question you want about adoption. I have always been open to discussing anything that anyone wants to know and I would love to raise adoption awareness by allowing anyone to ask anything! Seriously if you guys have any questions feel free to email ([email protected]) me and I will address them on this day, or if you just want me to write you back personally let me know.
Can’t wait to share more of my story with you guys. Now, onto why I was adopted!
I have a 20-year old brother whom I will refer to as “T”. My father and I currently have a very strained relationship, but before my mom passed things were fine. My family used to be the “perfect” nuclear family, according to many standards. My parents were always happy, and we were more than blessed in the community where I grew up. I grew up in a Christian home and went through a Christian K-12 school system. So that’s a little background of my family, now onto why I was adopted.
First and most obvious, my parents couldn’t have children. I have been told that not having children of her ‘own’ was one of my mom’s biggest ‘regrets’ in her short life. My parents tried a lot of different ways of getting pregnant but my mom’s body wouldn’t allow her to produce a child, and she had to have a complete hysterectomy in her twenties. They began to look into other options.
I think this is why whenever I stumble onto a blog about a woman trying to get pregnant I feel a twinge of pain in my heart. Sometimes I think maybe this is how my own mom felt while struggling with the fact that she could not get pregnant. I couldn’t imagine when everyone else around you is having children, and you want to have one so badly, how much your heart must ache. It would be miserable, and I feel like I can understand the pain some might be dealing with because I remember my mom telling me about the pain it caused her. I can’t imagine wanting something so bad and knowing it won’t happen for you like you planned. My mom told me sometimes she felt like she failed but I knew she hadn’t. I knew that the struggle she endured only made her a stronger person.
When they realized my mom couldn’t get pregnant, my parents then decided to explore adoption. The fees associated with adoption are costly, and I am glad my parents could afford it at the time. One of the first steps in their adoption process was to create books. Prospective parents created these photo books to “show/share” with birth mothers that you are legitimate people. The books also described their hobbies, the church they were involved with and had pictures of them and their dogs. It is a glimpse into the prospective parents lives. I have seen these books and they are fun to look through. I couldn’t imagine being pregnant and looking through the books and wondering “if my baby would fit in” with this family, but it gives you a sense to the family, their beliefs, their story, and their extended family.
My parents were on the waiting list for a baby for quite some time. They prayed about getting a child. They hoped. They waited. They had no idea when and if they would ever get a child to adopt.
My mom was shopping at Costco when my aunt called her. The adoption agency had called my aunt to tell her that they had a baby waiting for my mom at the hospital. That baby was me. My mom was shocked. There was no talk of her and my dad getting a baby anytime soon. They didn’t have any names picked out. They were not prepared for me, but they were still so excited to have me.
After my mom passed away, my grandpa let me listen to the the voicemail she left for him, and it will forever be etched in my memory. Since then somehow it was eaten on the machine, but I will never, ever forget her voice on that message. The love that oozed from her tone, the excitement, the nervousness. It was all there, and it was all about me, being able to go home with her and my dad, and the beginning of a family.
I was born close to where I grew up and was incredibly small when I was born so they had to make sure that I was healthy and okay to go home. I will get into why it was a surprise when I talk all about my birth parents in an upcoming post but my parents were surprised but so happy that they finally had a baby.
Adoption allowed them to have the joy of having a child, even if I came to them in a non-traditional way. My parents’ prayers had been answered and they were surprised and shocked all at the same time. Now they had a baby to take care of . In the whirlwind of events that had taken place, their lives had completely changed. Though I was originally named Baby Girl, my parents quickly picked out my name from a list they had compiled for the past years while trying to have a child. I have two birth certificates, and one literally says my first name is Baby and my Middle name is Girl.
My parents took me home from the hospital and I lived with them for a year and a half before being officially adopted on January 23, 1987. In order to make everything official you have to go down to an LA courthouse and sign paperwork and take vows in front of a judge. Obviously I was too little to remember my own adoption, but I do remember my brother’s adoption and traveling to the courthouse.
After the papers were signed I legally was my parents ‘child’. Though my adoption day made it ‘legal’, I consider myself to be my parents child from the day I entered their life and we became a family back on the day I was born at the hospital.
Next Monday I am excited to talk about how I was raised and how adoption was an integral part in my life. What my parents did and how we address my adoption was important to me and I’m excited to share it with you guys. The last adoption post will be about Q&A that anyone has, so if you have any questions, feel free to email me @ [email protected]