Adoption April Series: My Thoughts on Adoption

I know many of you have children of your own, or are at the stage in your life that you are having children or considering this for your family. Personally, I have never thought of myself actually having kids. I don’t know why I think like this, but I think possibly that it has to do with the fact that my mom didn’t ‘have me’ so I can’t imagine myself being pregnant or actually having a child. I still haven’t made a complete decision on whether or not I want to physically have children but I think that also will depend on when and who I marry and all that sort of thing.

I do think that adoption is such a powerful thing, and honestly, I will consider it when I am ready to have children. I think a lot of people think that adoption is only adopting drug babies, problem babies, or children that have gone through foster care, which isn’t true. I was a completely healthy, albeit small, baby and was adopted into a loving home. My birth mom never contacted my parents to ask for me back, there were never any issues with her or my birth family. I know that could have been a possibility, but it hasn’t happened yet… :)

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BABY DANICA!!!! :)

When I was growing up, most people honestly couldn’t believe I was adopted. I looked like my family and had the same attitude and mannerisms as my mother. Now, I am JUST. LIKE. MY. MOM. It was never a ‘weird’ thing to talk about with my friends either. Surprisingly enough, my roommate Shea is also adopted. We sometimes talk about it, and our feelings, but like me, she has known her entire life that she was adopted. She also harbors no bad feelings towards either sets of her parents. It’s a fun bond that we share together and it’s also nice to talk about our adoptions together.

I never, ever felt different than other kids. I never felt like I had a different relationship with my parents or different family setting. I think the openness that my parents had helped this, and I also never felt unwanted, or uncommitted too. I never felt abandoned or like my birth parents didn’t love me or want me and that’s why they ‘gave me up’. They were mature enough to realize that they couldn’t provide the best life for me and wanted to give me a chance at a better life. That is why they gave me up for adoption. I was SO loved to get TWO moms :) a birth mom and a real mom!

Even though I kind of look like my parents/family, I never felt like I didn’t belong or like I wasn’t a part of the family. I think even if I didn’t look like my family, we would still talk about it the same way. Everyone is different and just because I’m not the ‘blood’ of my parents doesn’t mean I am not theirs! What if I was naturally my parents and looked nothing like them? Would I question if I was theirs? Probably not. People look different, it’s accepted, and adoption is no different.

The best part about adoption is that I was openly welcomed into a family that I wasn’t biologically part of. I NEVER felt unaccepted, or questioned if I was suppose to be there. Granted, I grew up with my family, grandparents and cousins that all loved me unconditionally and I think that always made me feel welcome and loved. I was a part of my family unconditionally. No matter what I was stuck there! I think that has made the biggest difference for me.

It’s not about being unwanted. I think that is the biggest thing that many people struggle with. I believe I was never unwanted, I was chosen to be a part of a different family than my birth mom. I believe her giving me up was the most unselfish decision anyone could ever make, and the fact that she did that makes me completely respect her.

I wasn’t born into a family, I don’t know my exact heritage, or who gave birth to me, but at the same time that doesn’t make me less of a person, or question why I’m here or what I’m doing without my original family. I have always thought of my adoptive family as my one and only family. I would like to meet my birth parents one day but I honestly don’t have the money to hire a private investigator and everything at the moment so I know it will come with time, but I am looking more into it. I understand that they might not even want to be in communication with me at the same time. I feel that the only important thing that I would need to possibly get from them is my families medical history for any genetic diseases that I might be exposed too. If they would like to communicate than that’s also great. I will discuss more about them in my next post which is suppose to be all about them and my feelings and what I do know about them.

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Sweet outfits! :) If my brother knew that this was in public he’d kill me.

Please feel free to email any questions you may have for the last post of adoption April to [email protected] Next week it’s all about my birth parents! Maybe you might know them :)

xoxo

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21 Responses to Adoption April Series: My Thoughts on Adoption

  1. Robyn says:

    Thanks for another honest and open post!

  2. Tracy says:

    I really appreciate this series. I like hearing your side of it having given a baby up for adoption 14 years ago it’s nice to know how he may be feeling about me. He knows I exist, we’ve talked a few times as we had a very open adoption. It made things easier for me to see him in a loving home; I never really thought of him as my son, he has always been theirs.

    I am really enjoying this series. Thanks Danica for these posts.

  3. I’ve loved your adoption series. Growing up I don’t think I had any close friends that were adopted and it might sound sheltered or something, but I’ve always assumed I would have biological children, too. These posts have been great to read for making me think about what else might be an option. One of my college best friend’s was adopted as a baby (as well as her 4 siblings) and her parents are just the most kind-hearted, open people.. much like yours sound! Thanks again!

  4. I don’t know the statutes in CA, but in TN, you can contact the board in your state headquarters and request your records. Since my mother is a direct biological sibling of her lost sister, we wrote to the state and she sent in a copy of her DL nad birth certificate showing validation of having the same mother. The state wrote back requesting $150 to send the public record. My Mum got scared and never went through it, but it means that she really does have a sister out there. And as the adoptee, I believe you can obtain public records through your state if you request them. Just a thought. Thanks for the email! I’m going to talk to my mom about it. I think she should find her sister for the same very reason you would like to eventually since there are health problems associated with that side of her family. I’m really glad you’ve done these posts!!

  5. Heather says:

    I was a person who chose to pursue adoption instead of having a baby. I wasn’t infertile. I wanted to adopt instead. I had to defend my choice over and over to people I knew and, sadly, to the social workers and some infertile adoptive families. It offended me and it made me wonder how it feels for a person who was adopted to hear things like, “Why did your family adopt you? Couldn’t they have children of their own?” I thought it would make the child feel like a poor substitution for a birth child. Almost like they were saying that we couldn’t have what we really wanted so we got you instead. Sadly my adoption was derailed by other events but I hope to adopt at some point. How do think those comment should be handled?

  6. Kate says:

    Thank you for posting this series. As someone who is considering becoming an adoptive parent, I’ve really enjoyed getting your perspective and am learning a lot from your experience.

  7. I would like to know where I can get a sweet sailor outfit like that. In adult size. Thanks, that is my question.

    No but seriously, I love learning more about you. XOXO

  8. I LOVE it that you referred to your two moms as “my biological mom and my real mom.” So frustrating when people ask adoptees about their “real” mom when they mean bio mom. Your REAL mom is the one who raised you! Great post – thank you for sharing your story with us!

  9. I love the adoption series and I really thank you for opening up to us lke this! :)

  10. Jessica says:

    Great entry!

    I was totally opposed to having kids until I met my husband. Now I’m starting to consider that as a possibility.

  11. thanks again for sharing more about growing up! Very interesting!

  12. Kate Tate says:

    beautiful – just beauuuuuutiful!!! :) can’t wait for you to share even more. :)

  13. Sweet and powerful stuff, Danica! Thanks for sharing =) You rock!

  14. Melanie says:

    I had that same navy dress when I was that age. No lie.

    Love reading your adoption posts girl!

  15. ilovesteaks says:

    looks like you’ve been very photogenic all of your life!

  16. Автор, а у вас никто записи не тырит? А то у меня заколебали уже – копируют и копируют. И главное, что даже ссылку никто не удосужится поставить.

  17. Дюма says:

    Помнится, кто-то выкладывал фотки…

  18. форекс says:

    Хорошая статья. Краткость явно Ваша сестра

  19. Stuart says:

    Thanks for sharing…these posts are touching a lot of people!

  20. runninduff says:

    I love your adoption series! I have always been interested in adopting someday..and this makes it more interesting!

  21. Zoe says:

    Excellent post, Danica. Thank you for sharing! I think you totally look like your Mom!

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