I was working on my grad school applications and I realized something. I have six more pages to complete in my thirty page piece of sample work that I’m going to submit for the application. I am going through all the work I’m submitting, making sure it’s something I am completely satisfied with and double checking grammar and all that fun stuff, slowly losing my concentration and inspiration when someone told me to ‘finish strong’.
Six pages. Hmm, that sounds familiar. The last six miles. Of what? Oh, that! The marathon! It’s when things start to break down, when you really feel your legs starting to get tired underneath you, and when you really question what your doing. When did you decide this was a good idea? Is this pain worth it? Am I going to get accepted anywhere? Will I really make it another whole six miles? Will people really take me seriously?
So I began to write the last six pages of ‘work’. The last six pages that will seemingly determine if I get into grad school to pursue something that I truly love to do. Sometimes you just have to accept who you are and realize that other people will either accept you for you, or won’t like you for who you are. Bottom line is though all you can be is yourself. I’m a huge believer in this and sometimes it gets lost in the shuffle of life. You are your biggest critic. I am my biggest critic and this is true in both writing and running. Though I didn’t hit my four hour time goal in CIM, I was still a little sad about it and may have cried into my McDonald’s shake on Tuesday when eating my feelings about the race. Yet, reminding yourself that you gotta get back up, and try again. I’m the same way with my writing. I am constantly changing little things and wondering how I can get my point across better.
Most of the writing I’m submitting is much like my Love letter to 13.1 post, or my Why I hate Bicyclists post, or Glowing like a firefly post or the I should know this by now post. I do have a pretty heavy piece that is the longest piece I’m submitting that really delves into the idea and thoughts of a dying person, and the people around them watching it all happen, based mostly on my relationship with my mom when she was sick. That is the piece that I’m most proud of.
So as I’m writing copy and content for my job, and writing sample work, personal statements, and essays for applications my brain is a little on overload in the writing department. So why do I keep writing this blog? The bottom line is that I love it. I still view this blog as my personal diary. When I feel down, I go back and read my Long Beach race recap and it brings me to tears because of how happy it makes me. I have read over past posts and laughed at what I did, or what I wrote about. I don’t try to write for anyone else besides myself and that’s how I’ve come to realize how much I love writing. It’s still weird that people want to read what I write, or deem my writing worthy of their 5 minutes, because I know writing is all subjective to the reader. Yet, I am so thankful for everyone who comments, encourages me, emails me, and contacts me through this. I also am so incredibly glad to have met the people I have through here. My life would truly not be where it is without you guys.
I think that the subjective part of the process is the scariest part of applying for me. Does a program think that I am ready for their writing program? Do they want to vest interest in me as a writer? I guess it was the same thing for me running a marathon though. Was it something I really wanted? Did I really want to invest the time and dedication it takes to train to run 26.2 miles? Was I really ready to run those last 6.2 miles? Could I really run that far and make it to the finish? Training, the trips to the bathroom, the time, the miles, everything was worth it. I wanted it and I did it.
So as I finish up my applications I am hopeful that I’ll get accepted but in the words of the wonderful character on the MTV show The Hills, Justin Bobby, “Time and truth will tell all.”
And I might be the only person who would compare grad school applications to The Hills.