This morning I woke up in miserable, I hate my life, I don’t want to do anything today, grumpy, grouchy mood. Last night I couldn’t fall asleep, and when I did sleep it was awful. I was too hot, then I was too cold, then my blankets were not cooperating, and I kept waking up. I knew my 6:00 am wake up call would be much too early when I finally found myself drifting off at 1 am. My alarm went off and I grumbled. I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to run. I didn’t want to be sweaty and my legs are still sore from my race this weekend. Why did I have to run? I’ll just run tomorrow. Then one of my good friends Kelly reminded me that running would probably make me feel better. My friend Maritza told me this, “Finish each day & be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders & absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can.Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” -R.W. Emerson.
Okay! Okay! I need to run, I get it! I begrudgingly got out of bed.
I pulled on my puma shorts and my long sleeve tee and pulled my hair back into the regular ponytail. Once I started lacing up my new pink nike vomeros a small smile crept onto my face. At least I could wear my new shoes. I opened the front door and was greeted by bright blue skies and crisp air. I decided to run alongside the marina so I took off through the neighborhoods surrounding my house. Claude found satellite quickly and before I knew it I was at the marina and the water was a perfect reflection of the sky, it was like a mirror. The seagulls were flying above my head dotting the blue sky like little puffs of smoke. Okay, my life isn’t that bad.
I can run. I can breathe. I can get out of bed every morning. Sometimes it’s just all about putting one foot in front of the other. The crisp air allowed me to see a hint of my breath as I ran. My shadow showed my ponytail flying behind me, another comforting thing that I love to see when I run. People were friendly and my smile slowly grew as the garmin chirped away the miles. I passed the bay and saw the crew team, which always makes me smile. The firemen waved at me as I passed their station and they cleaned their truck. All the cars stopped for me at cross walks. Morning air filled my lungs and the sun shone down on me illuminating my path ahead. I saw two funny dogs playing with stuffed ducks on the front lawn of a goregous home.
My life may not be perfect, but it’s my life, and I’m so blessed to have a job, to have great friends who are there for me through everything, to have met so many wonderful people, to be able to write about whatever I want. I seriously can’t believe it. I was in such a bad mood, and yet my run made me realize that my pity party was going to be short lived. As I write this and listen to Arcade Fire, I realize that with each step I take, I take a path to a journey unknown, but I’m ready to embrace that journey.
Then I realized this weekend I’m running ANOTHER marathon. I CAN run another marathon. I get to run another marathon. Not only am I running another marathon, but I’m running it with two of my best friends, who live in northern california who I don’t see that often. I’m so lucky to have them in my life. I’m so lucky, I can run.
So that’s what I’ll keep doing. I’ll keep going. I’ll keep running.