Marathon MAFIA

mafia

Every now and then I get a little witty and try to flex my writing muscles. They are thankfully bigger than my t-rexish arm muscles so you might be in for a real treat if I’m having an ‘on’ day. I did minor in writing in college. I know, pick up your jaw off the ground. Anyways, so some little gem has begun hating on some bloggers. Most of these bloggers are my friends, and they alerted this travesty to me. Supposedly there are all these ‘mafias’ out there, and I’m not taking about the stupid facebook mafia game. These so-called mafias includes the preppy mafia, the j.crew mafia, the wedding mafias, the mom mafias. Obviously, I’m not preppy, getting married, shop at j.crew, or am a mom, but well, well, well I AM a runner! Well there is another mafia just for me! I’ve always wanted to be the boss of something, and now I have my chance. It’s the Marathon Mafia. According to the blogger, since I run marathons, this is what they said about me and my mafia, “What about those people who are part of the marathon mafia. They think because they can run they are better than everyone else.” Um, okay, so pretty much yea, I’m better than EVERYONE ELSE because I can run a marathon, no, no I’m just crazy. Well friends, if you haven’t really caught on, most of my posts about about me going to the bathroom or having the best race of my life. Pick your battles. Anyways, since I’m a member of this mafia, I figured I might as well be the boss of it too. I mean, I am from the LBC where Snoop grew up, I listen to a lot of rap music and I on occasion cuss like a sailor, okay maybe not on occasion, but that is neither here nor there. But to be in the marathon mafia, there are rules people. You can join if:

1. You run with a gun. Any kind of gun will do, but extra points for anything that is sawed off. That looks a little bit more hardcore. Machine guns, major points. Anything with the word Glock in it adds points too.

mafia guys

2. You run with a taser. Tasers are fun, trendy and you will get extra points if you ever get anyone to yell, “Don’t taze me bro!”. If you tase yourself when you run, take videos and post.

3. You use a lot of hair product. I think all members should have slicked back hair in a low ponytail. Guys, this is just slicked straight back for you, if you want to take part of the most kick ass running group ever.

4. Flannel and high white socks. Preferably if the flannel is over a white tank top and only the top button is buttoned. That would really add a lot to the overall uniform of the group. But the high white socks are clutch. More bonus points if you can run in baggy jeans. You might get appointed a position in the governing body of this group if you can pull off that look while jogging, which OBVIOUSLY is the only outfit I run in.

5. Impalas or a Lowrider. Either of these, with blacked out windows rolled down about an inch, and a big sub-woofer blasting something that can’t even be recognized over the shaking of the vehicle, perfect. The Koo will be changed up into a 1987 Cadillac momentarily.

impala

6. A mustache. If you usually get your upper lip waxed, now’s the time to just get crazy and go all out. Members of this group DON’T mess around, and a ‘stache makes things way more official. Guys, this is way easier for you, so you HAVE to have one.

7. You’ve admitted to almost pooping your pants or almost throwing up on your run or workout before. I mean, we all know I’m the biggest advocate of this and you just aren’t a BA unless this has happened to you. What is better than feeling like you might die if you don’t find a bathroom, or feeling that yummy feeling in your stomach that you might, maybe just have breakfast revisited.

8. You have to be able to throw up gang signs while running. Our gang sign usually is more ‘jazzy handish’ than anything though. This is clutch because when you see another member of the mafia, you have to be able to give them a shout-out, without everyone else around you knowing that you actually do know each other. Jazz hands just looks like your having fun, but in reality it means, look at me go, I got yo numba.

9. You have to go to race expos before a race. This is like runner’s jail. You spend so much money there, and it’s like a pit of nervous energy in that place. Everyone is checking each other out, there are some head-nod hellos and sizing each other up just happens in these situations. You aren’t a gangsta unless you been to the big house, and there ain’t nothing bigger than a race expo.

kip

10.You don’t even have to run to be in this mafia. Just have to be cool and your in, since we supposedly think we are better than everyone else, you have to think the same. That’s the only REAL requirement.

We’ll have meetings every day, at the local trail entrance and if you want in, just show up and give the rest of the crew the head nod. Don’t ever smile, because that is not hardcore.

xoxo

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31 Responses to Marathon MAFIA

  1. Lulu says:

    Ok, per our e-mail convos you know that I am so in. I promise I’ll be a totally legit member (I was even a vato once for Halloween, no joke, so you know I’ll be hardcore.) Are we going to have an initiation ceremony? Do I have to get jumped in? I’ve already been practicing my jazz hands too, so get ready. ;)
    xoxo,
    Lulu

  2. Dishydecorator says:

    That’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a while girl! I’m dying. Can I be a member of your Marathon Mafia? I’m already a member of the Mom Mafia, JCrew Mafia, Atlanta Blogger Meetup Mafia, Louis Vuitton Mafia, and occasionally the “Pretentious” Mafia. I think I may be a good candidate for your mafia. Oh yeah, and I own a gun. So there….I’m perfect. I could be second in command if you got a calf cramp or shin splints.

  3. CharmCityKim says:

    Oh the haters… I never get why people get so bent out of shape over people they don’t really know.

    I’ll admit – there are a few healthy blogs that irritate me. But you know what? I just stop reading them!

    I don’t think you’ve ever come across as thinking you’re better (I mean – you talk about poop issues!). If anything, you inspire me to want to run more!

  4. Kelly says:

    You know I’m in, Marathon Mafia for Life. Luckily my man has an Impala so we got a ride and he occasionally sports a mustache. Hopefully his gangsta-ness will rub off on me.

  5. aron says:

    haha :) love it!!! you know me, i am so gansta i am def in your mafia ;)

  6. Brandon says:

    Yeah, i gots a 1968 Impala 4 Door. 2 tone with white-walls. Much like the black 68 pImpala you have included in the post but it has 4 doors and a white top. So I’m pretty much in. Do I have to run? What if I have dreams where I am running like the wind and my knees never hurt no matter how fast or far I run? I used to run cross country back in mid-school… so….. I’m pretty O’G. Oh yeah, I have plenty of guns and access to lots more guns, so think about it and get back to me “boss”.

    Brandon out.

  7. Ally says:

    Cracking up! I love it.

  8. I needed an excuse to bust out my giant, oversized Raiders jacket from 1993.

    This is it. I will run in it.

  9. Kimberli says:

    HILARIOUS post!!

  10. nicole says:

    “Jazz hands= count me in”- watch yo back angry blogger this mafia chick runs with a head lamp and has pepper spray on hand! Take that! I got ur back D don’t worry. *makes gangsta symbol with hand*

  11. Marlene says:

    Aha, great list. Thanks for the Friday chuckle.

  12. j says:

    Great list!

  13. This post completely brightened up my day!

  14. Katie says:

    LMAO I’m in! I am totally better then everything else out there ;) J/jk I haven’t ran a marathon yet, but I am awfully cool. I loves ya and that car is HOT.

  15. I love this post!!!! (I totally agree about blog Mafias. I just refer to them as “The Blog Mafia”. I never thought that there were different sections!!) I’m in the same boat you are, no husband, no baby, love J Crew but I’m not a member. I will run with a glock!! Great post!

  16. Stacy says:

    Are you serious? I can’t believe there are haters on runners. They are just jealous. I’m all game to join your mafia! :D

  17. Shannon says:

    LOL I’m in! I have the jazz hands down,yo! (Mafia members also say “Yo”, yo!)

    Geez, some ppl!

  18. I’m in! I do run occasionally so I think I fit the bill. Maybe I can be the boss of the “Mascara Mafia”? :-)

    Anyways, I hate haters. I haven’t heard about this until now though. People are mean. Plain and simple.

  19. Sarah says:

    count me in too, hahah. The Marathon Mafia is fierce, yo!

  20. Yo! Since I’m from the big city and run like crazy…I’m surely in, right? Gotta represent, you know what i’m sayin’!

  21. kristen says:

    lol….well I have a glock, but it’s way to heavy to run with. It’s probably do more damage than good.

  22. Perfectly Imperfect says:

    oh haters.. they make me laugh! sign me up for your mafia!

  23. Leah says:

    OMG! This is hilarious!!! But I am “down” and have a posse of other potential mafia members. I just inherited major guns, yo! No lie! I am thinkin we can put our arsenal in yoga bags and strap them across our chest…for those of us with some real power (hunting guns here!) LOL! I have the rap thang down and cussin comes naturally Beyatches! LOL!

    BRING IT!

    Leah

  24. Alisa says:

    Well you know I have the musical taste of a mafia member so y not yo…I can hang w/the bi*ches and the ho’s as well as anyone else…s’up!

    =)

  25. Morgan says:

    L.M.A.O. You are friggin hilarious!

  26. Tara says:

    THUG life fo sho!!!! I’ll bust a cap in anyone’s ass that tries to mess with the Marathon Mafia BOSS!!!! ♥

  27. Hilarious. This cracked me up :)

  28. Valachi!! says:

    Vivera la consa nostra…, this thing of ours

    Paparazi..!

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