Every now and then I get a little witty and try to flex my writing muscles. They are thankfully bigger than my t-rexish arm muscles so you might be in for a real treat if I’m having an ‘on’ day. I did minor in writing in college. I know, pick up your jaw off the ground. Anyways, so some little gem has begun hating on some bloggers. Most of these bloggers are my friends, and they alerted this travesty to me. Supposedly there are all these ‘mafias’ out there, and I’m not taking about the stupid facebook mafia game. These so-called mafias includes the preppy mafia, the j.crew mafia, the wedding mafias, the mom mafias. Obviously, I’m not preppy, getting married, shop at j.crew, or am a mom, but well, well, well I AM a runner! Well there is another mafia just for me! I’ve always wanted to be the boss of something, and now I have my chance. It’s the Marathon Mafia. According to the blogger, since I run marathons, this is what they said about me and my mafia, “What about those people who are part of the marathon mafia. They think because they can run they are better than everyone else.” Um, okay, so pretty much yea, I’m better than EVERYONE ELSE because I can run a marathon, no, no I’m just crazy. Well friends, if you haven’t really caught on, most of my posts about about me going to the bathroom or having the best race of my life. Pick your battles. Anyways, since I’m a member of this mafia, I figured I might as well be the boss of it too. I mean, I am from the LBC where Snoop grew up, I listen to a lot of rap music and I on occasion cuss like a sailor, okay maybe not on occasion, but that is neither here nor there. But to be in the marathon mafia, there are rules people. You can join if:
1. You run with a gun. Any kind of gun will do, but extra points for anything that is sawed off. That looks a little bit more hardcore. Machine guns, major points. Anything with the word Glock in it adds points too.
2. You run with a taser. Tasers are fun, trendy and you will get extra points if you ever get anyone to yell, “Don’t taze me bro!”. If you tase yourself when you run, take videos and post.
3. You use a lot of hair product. I think all members should have slicked back hair in a low ponytail. Guys, this is just slicked straight back for you, if you want to take part of the most kick ass running group ever.
4. Flannel and high white socks. Preferably if the flannel is over a white tank top and only the top button is buttoned. That would really add a lot to the overall uniform of the group. But the high white socks are clutch. More bonus points if you can run in baggy jeans. You might get appointed a position in the governing body of this group if you can pull off that look while jogging, which OBVIOUSLY is the only outfit I run in.
5. Impalas or a Lowrider. Either of these, with blacked out windows rolled down about an inch, and a big sub-woofer blasting something that can’t even be recognized over the shaking of the vehicle, perfect. The Koo will be changed up into a 1987 Cadillac momentarily.
6. A mustache. If you usually get your upper lip waxed, now’s the time to just get crazy and go all out. Members of this group DON’T mess around, and a ‘stache makes things way more official. Guys, this is way easier for you, so you HAVE to have one.
7. You’ve admitted to almost pooping your pants or almost throwing up on your run or workout before. I mean, we all know I’m the biggest advocate of this and you just aren’t a BA unless this has happened to you. What is better than feeling like you might die if you don’t find a bathroom, or feeling that yummy feeling in your stomach that you might, maybe just have breakfast revisited.
8. You have to be able to throw up gang signs while running. Our gang sign usually is more ‘jazzy handish’ than anything though. This is clutch because when you see another member of the mafia, you have to be able to give them a shout-out, without everyone else around you knowing that you actually do know each other. Jazz hands just looks like your having fun, but in reality it means, look at me go, I got yo numba.
9. You have to go to race expos before a race. This is like runner’s jail. You spend so much money there, and it’s like a pit of nervous energy in that place. Everyone is checking each other out, there are some head-nod hellos and sizing each other up just happens in these situations. You aren’t a gangsta unless you been to the big house, and there ain’t nothing bigger than a race expo.
10.You don’t even have to run to be in this mafia. Just have to be cool and your in, since we supposedly think we are better than everyone else, you have to think the same. That’s the only REAL requirement.
We’ll have meetings every day, at the local trail entrance and if you want in, just show up and give the rest of the crew the head nod. Don’t ever smile, because that is not hardcore.