Adoption April : All About My Birth Parents

This is the fourth post in my “Adoption April” series. This one is going to touch on all the facts that I know about my birth parents and how I feel about them, and if I want to meet them and why.

I know my birth mom’s name. I also know my Birth Dad’s name. I have never met either of them. There isn’t much information on either of them that my parents collected from them but I am glad that I know their names. I also know their birthdays and I know she was born in the midwest.

People always ask me if I want to meet them both or my birth mom. I do! I would love to meet her, and I just haven’t actively pursued it that much, you know life can be kind of busy! I am considering looking more into a private investigator and see what my options are. I know that is expensive though, so that would also take some time. Finding people isn’t the easiest thing in the world. I would completely understand if she or he didn’t want to meet me though, but I feel that it would be important at this time to get a family medical history report since so many diseases are genetic. I would hope that they would understand that and would be able to give me the family medical report. With that alone I think I would be happy as well.

I know I would be okay if they didn’t want to meet me, because I still think about their situation. Sometimes I wonder what she looks like, and what he looks like, even if they are still together or still talk. I also wonder if I would have any other siblings through either of them. Isn’t that weird to think about? I think that it would be cool to meet them, and see what their lives are like. I don’t want anything from either of them at all, and if they weren’t comfortable with meeting/talking/communication, I wouldn’t force it upon them either. I couldn’t even imagine the shock that they both must have had when I decided to enter the world.

As of right now, I have no idea where they are, what their lives are like, what they look like, or anything of that matter, but it does interest me. Also if I were to communicate with them, I would understand both of their apprehension if there was some. What would you do if your daughter that you hadn’t seen or heard from or about in 23 years all of a sudden reached out to you? It would blow my mind. I think there has to be a level of curiousness of both my and her mind though. Is that curiousness enough to pursue communication? I don’t know. Time will only tell.

I also realize that they will never replace my parents, and I would never even think that that would happen. I feel that if I was seeking them out because I felt abandoned or like I didn’t fit in with my family, or like I was unwanted, it would be a different issue, because then I realize that my feelings would be hurt if they didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I am interested to see what you guys think about this. I’m sure there are going to be some interesting comments. :)

If you have any emails for the next and sadly last, Adoption April (whoops it will be May) Question and Answer post please feel free to email me at (danicakoo) (at) (gmail) (dot) (com).

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Here’s a funny picture of me and my brother. Funny thing, someone asked me if I was HIS MOM THIS WEEKEND.

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Sorry that one is so bad quality. Me and the T. (who also just found out about my blog this weekend and did some reading on it… his quote, “Don’t use my name, I don’t want it to make it any easier for the government to track me.”)

As for the 20 miler. I did it this weekend. I still can’t believe I actually did it. Claude was along for the ride as well, and stuck with it. I have some funny pictures from the run, but maybe I’ll post them on Saturday but tomorrow will be the complete recap. Some very interesting things happened on the run and I can’t wait to share with you guys. I know, you’re all on the edge of your seat in anticipation.

xoxo

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39 Responses to Adoption April : All About My Birth Parents

  1. Marge says:

    That is really interesting about your birth story. I have seen stories about women who didn’t know they were pregnant and could never believe it. What amazing timing that it led you to your parents. Thanks for sharing :)

  2. LyndsAU says:

    Thank you for sharing girl!! That was great to read!! It’s so good that you have their names so you can pursue it if you want! :)

  3. Shannon says:

    Very intersting post!!

  4. Marlene says:

    Wow! I always find it fascinating that a person can go int olabour before even realizing she is pregnant, but clearly it happens!

    I have a question for your Q&A post… Would you consider adopting a child?

  5. ~Mrs. Guru~ says:

    Wow, a size 7 and she didn’t know she was pregnant. You are such a strong woman! Thanks for sharing with us!

  6. X-Country2 says:

    Great Adoption April post, as usual. Of all the things you’re thinking about what your birth parents are doing or what they’re like, I suspect your birth mom thinks about all the time too. Good luck with your search, should you choose to pursue it. :o)

  7. Legallyblondemel says:

    So interesting!

    Wonder if your birth parents might happen upon this doing a Google search, since you put your names up? In any event, I hope you do get some sort of closure with that, but you have a fantastic attitude about all of this regardless.

  8. Abbie says:

    Hmmm… I’m sure you’ve probably seen the show The Locator. I wonder if you have to pay if you’re featured on the show?? He seems to know how to track people down with less info than you have!

  9. Bonnie says:

    I always tell my BF that I am sure there is not a day that goes by that his birth parents don’t think about him. But finding them is a complicated matter and not to be taken lightly. I hope that whatever you decide to do, it works out awesome for you. PS There was a lady at my work who didn’t know she was pregnant either. And she already had another kid! (I can totally see where it would happen with your birth mom though, being so young and not having been through it before.)

  10. Kristen says:

    Wow, it is crazy to think about being pregnant and not knowing! Yikes – that would be such a shock!!

    I hope that in the future whatever you decide to do you are happy with your decision.

  11. Denise says:

    Crazy…I’ve heard other stories where woman didn’t know they were pregnant. I’m glad your adoption worked out so well.

  12. Susan says:

    I can never understand how someone wouldn’t know they’re pregnant…boggles my mind! I think that it is a normal curiosity to wonder about your birth parents and to want to meet them. Like you said, even though you don’t want anything from them and your adoptive family is your REAL family, I’m sure I would still wonder what they’re like and if I’m like them at all.

    What do your adoptive parents think of you looking/considering looking for your real parents? It seems like you have a great relationship with them, but I would still wondering about their thoughts on that.

  13. unathleticrunner says:

    You have such a positive outlook on everything. That is really cool. I have enjoyed reading your story.
    Kristin

  14. Surrounded By Boys says:

    Your adoptive parents must have been really great to have given you such a healthy attitude – I applaud them! Your birth mom is lucky to have found such a good home for you and I’ll bet she’d be so happy to know that!

  15. D10 says:

    I think if you want to search for your parents than go for it. I bet it would be a cool experience. To be honest, I would like to meet Morgan’s birth parents as well. Before we adopted her, I didn’t think I would, but now I have so many questions for them, just like you have. What do they look like, their interests, medical history etc. I guess, I am in the nature vs nuture aspect too. I also would/will be supportive of Morgan if she chooses to search for her birth parents. However, there will be a piece of me that will worry that Morgan will wish she was with her birth parents. Although, I know better, it is a true fear. Having said that, I would never let my own feelings get in the way of her knowing her biological family…does this paragraph make sense????

    Great job on the 20.

  16. Ms. V. says:

    20 miles is amazing.

    Your story is great, ChicRunner!! Thanks for telling it!

  17. Amber says:

    Wow, I can’t believe your mother didn’t know she was pregnant with you, that’s so crazy!

    I had a good friend who was adopted when I was growing up, she ended up finding her biological sister when she was 19 and now they are close friends and her sister was a bridesmaid in her wedding!

    I’m finding these posts SO interesting. Thank you for sharing!

  18. RunningLaur says:

    thanksdo much forsharing your adoption April stories. I think you have a fantastic attitude about your birth parents!

    Congrats on the 20 miler too!

  19. The Shabby Princess says:

    I love that you have such a fabulous view on adoption and birth parents, adoptive parents, etc. It says a lot about you as a person and also about how you were raised.

    Way to go on the 20 miler–that’s freaking awesome!!!!

  20. Anonymous says:

    Just read your post. I was also adopted at birth and have never searched for my birth parents. Like you, I would like to know what they look like and have the medical history. I’m pretty sure that I was a secret way back then (30 yrs. ago)so don’t want to “pop up” now. Plus, I have a wonderful family and am not sure I need to add another complication to my life. I appluad you attitude and outlook. It makes those who are considering adoption see that most of us turn out really normal! :)

  21. FLYERS26 says:

    Great post.
    My father was an orphan, and I always wanted to meet his parents.
    He was never adopted, and the orphanage he grew up in was demolished back in the ’70s.

  22. Alisa says:

    My grandpa was an orphan and he never found out anything about his parents.

    I think I would be curious too. I also think it’s true that your birth parents would never be replacements for your parents.

    Great job on the 20!!!!!

  23. *~! megs !~* says:

    Good luck with finding them if that’s what you choose. I’ve said before that my husband is adopted. His birth mother actually tracked him down and his brother down when they were in high school. She came and introduced them to their half sister. It gave my husband and his brother a chance to meet their mom and sister and opened up that line. They haven’t been in touch since, but he’s been thinking of looking her up and trying to find his dad. I know he’s got so many questions, but also we want to know medical history like you do. So hopefully you’ll both find what you’re looking for!

  24. Nicole says:

    How interesting. I think its neat that you want to meet your birth parents and that your not at all worried if they dont want to meet you. That says a lot about who you are and how you are raised. I admire your strength. Thanks for sharing D! :)

  25. J says:

    WAY TO GO on the 20 miler!! Can’t wait to hear about it! can’t wait for next weeks question and answers!

  26. Kappa Prep says:

    I have really enjoyed you Adoption April posts. That is so interesting your birth mother went in the hospital with stomach pains- I have always heard about these times of stories! Thank you for sharing all your stories and thoughts with us!

  27. NY Wolve says:

    Love your blog, your story and your style. Always a highlight of my day. And such a thoughtful piece and series of posts!

  28. Marcy says:

    I learn something new everyday! I totally didn’t even realize that d10 had adopted her daughter! How cool is that then (this post I mean. Am I a dork? LOL)

    Anyhoo, I was thinking along the same lines as legallyblondemel what if they do a google search and your blog post comes up? How cool would that be?

    Thanks for sharing this chica ;D ;D

  29. Wearing Mascara says:

    GREAT post! Thanks so much for sharing. I can’t imagine being pregnant and not knowing. Was your birth weight low? xoxo

  30. That Pink Girl says:

    Whatever you opt to do, to search for your birth parents or not, that will be the right choice for YOU. Everyone is different!
    Congrats on the 20 miler. I can’t wait to get to that mile marker too!
    Thanks again for sharing your adoption story. You’ll never know how many lives you may touch with your open heart and your honesty!

  31. A Toronto girl out West says:

    Thanks for sharing! :o)

    Those must have been crazy times for your mom. She must miss you. I think giving a baby up for adoption (when you know someone else can offer a better life) is one of the most loving and self-less acts possible.

    That’s love! :o)

  32. Lucky in Love says:

    I can’t believe you ran 20 miles!! You are awesome girl!

    So neat you shared your adoption story. You truly have such a wonderful handle on things and it is refreshing to read.

  33. Amy says:

    Love reading your story. Thanks for sharing :)

  34. Lacy says:

    Soo neat!! I have thoroughly enjoyed this Adoption April series! It is so wonderful that you know your birth parents names if you do ever decide to find them!

  35. Emily says:

    I have a friend right now who is trying to get in contact with his birth parents and it is really getting hairy. He’s found them and they are now married with FIVE other kids – his full siblings. He’s found pix of them online and they look so alike. His birth parents do not want to reveal this secret to their family and don’t want to be in any kind of contact with him. It is really sad and frustrating to observe.

    It is great to hear that you have such an open and laid back attitude about it. It has been fun reading your story!

    Great job on the 20 miler too…I actually started to well up reading it. I get emotional with running too, esp the long ones!

  36. Run For Life says:

    Thanks again for sharing! I think those are definitely valid feelings and I hope one day you are able to get the answers. :)

    Congrats on the 20 miles!!!

  37. NikeRun says:

    I have to thank you for sharing your story. It's something that I've never thought about b/c it was never openly talked about like this.

    Can't wait to read the Q&A.

  38. Shazza says:

    I searched for and contacted my birth parents back in 2002, when I was in my twenties. It’s much easier in the UK, I think. I have met my birth-father a few times, he takes me out to lunch and we email frequently. We have a lot in common and look very alike – freaky for someone who grew up not looking like anyone!

    My birth mother has written to me a few times, but she has not told her (other) children about me and is not ready to. I respect that, although I am disappointed. I’d love to meet her and hope she will be ready some day. I was raised an only child and am so excited that I have 2 half sisters and a half brother, but none of them know of my existance which is kind of sad.

    It was so great for me to finally know what my bio-parents both look like and what their lives have turned out like. It was totally the right decision for me to get in touch with them and they had wondered about me too.

  39. The Reality of Happily Ever After says:

    I LOVE your “Adoption April” posts and have clearly been out of the blog loop for a while —

    I think it would be really neat if you found your birth mom — Have you looked her name up on MySpace and FaceBook {she doesn’t exactly have a most commonly spelled name}? Just a thought…

    If for nothing else, finding out the medical/family history would be really significant — PLEASE let us know if we can do anything or if you DO pursue it –

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