I tweeted a while back about what I saw on a run and I knew I would have to post about it soon. I live in an area where there are a lot of homeless people, and a eclectic collection of people. Many of them, on hot days, seem to go to the beach in front of my place, thus ensuring an interesting crowd to watch as I run by. It was super hot two weekends ago, so it seemed that EVERYONE was at the beach. Take for example:

One larger woman was in the water ahead of me. I was watching the ‘group’ she was with because they were very loud. She then started walking up from the ocean and I almost had to double take. She was wearing a black trash bag as a swimsuit. She had a hole for her head, and two arms. I had to slow down to take in this site. I first thought about how unsafe this seemed, and also how swimming in the ocean, the trash bag must ‘go-up’ as you swim around, since it wasn’t attached to her legs or anything. Let that visual sink in.

A little later, I saw the same guy I have seen many times before. He was running in his BOXER BRIEFS that were tight and incredibly short. I have seen him in the mornings other times too and he wears the exact same outfit. He sweats, but only in one place. It is weeeeeird. You’re blinded by his white legs and then you’re like WHOA. Not okay. Get some shots over those briefs buddy.

Another really strange thing that happens on the beach path is that people come out and walk (good for them) but have their blue tooth on and just chat away on their phones. I’ve seen so many people doing this, it’s like they go out to walk the beach path and make an important call. It’s usually when I run by they are going on and on about something. Sometimes it’s interesting to eavesdrop a little bit.

Then I decided to run on the bluff path instead of the beach path for the run home. This is on a bluff overlooking the beach. This is where I saw a lovely women who was using a shopping cart as a stroller. She had two kids in the shopping cart and even had the thing you hang on the stroller for the kids to play with. It was a little strange to say the least.

Oh how I love residing in the same town Snoop Dogg grew up in. Never disappointing in the people watching department.

And it’s really, really gorgeous. Sigh.

On a completely random and unrelated note, Mother’s Day is quickly approaching and there are two sites that I LOVE for gift giving. I am a stationary freak, and I love getting and giving personalized gifts. Check out Expressionary for some GREAT stationary and stamp gifts. I love their stuff and it’s GREAT quality. Also you can get a 40% discount (hello! That’s huge!) if you enter “Mom40″ at the checkout. Another great site is Personalization Mall. I have gotten some great gifts off there and especially love their canvas printing selection. They have great prices and you can make some really sweet stuff on their site. You can get free shipping on any order over $50 if you use the code “Momshipfree”. Creep both of those. :)

Tonight I got a lovely 8 miler planned. I’m hoping it’s not to windy. Also are any of you running this PCRR Cinco De Mayo 1/2 or their super cute site can be found here on Sunday? I think I will run it because 13 miles would be a great and fun distance for me to run this weekend, but running this race is pretty pricey. So that’s some expensive fun. We’ll see if I can get dragged out there. It looks like a great race though, so maybe I’ll jump in last minute. I would hate to bandit, but $75 bucks is $75 bucks. I won’t even drink any of their water at their stations! :) Shall I race or not…. that is the question.

xoxo

So finally I ran a 20 miler. I didn’t know what to expect, and to finish was not what I expected at all. I still can’t believe I actually did it. Part of me thinks that little Claude was lying to me, like my nike plus used to, the little cheater, but alas 20 miles down in the books. So I don’t want to toot my own horn and I know some of you run this all the time, but it was a big first for me, and there were a lot of things that happened on the way that I knew I would HAVE to share with you guys.

The night before I just kept telling myself that I could do it. I wasn’t scared of it, and I knew if I had to walk, crawl or slog my way through it, I could at least try. I got up at 6 am and wanted to take off at 6:30. I had a muffin, three shot blok and got my fuel belt ready. I packed in three bloks to have at the 4 miler make. It started off great. I was really amp’ing myself up over it. I kept telling myself that I COULD do it, and I WOULD do it. Repeating something in your head is really helpful. I was going to run an 8 mile loop, a 4 mile loop the opposite way, and then the 8 mile loop that I ran earlier. Each end of the loop was going to pass by my house because I hadn’t had time to get the extra pouch for my fuel belt yet so I was just going to grab my gus from home.

The farthest I’ve ever ran before this weekend was only about 17.6 miles, and there were a lot of breaks in between since I ran the 10k and ran to the starting line and home after. I started off wearing my arm warmers, shorts and a t-shirt. I felt very good for the first 7 miles. I didn’t look down at Claude to see my pace, I just let myself go, and enjoyed the fresh beginning of a new day. I was instantly in the ‘zone’ and every mile ticked down I just though to myself, “Okay, that’s only 18 left, now 17 left, now 16 left.” I ate shot bloks at mile 4, this was of course when a nice old guy was running by me and he said hello. I was half chewing, half choking, half trying to breath and I mumbled/drooled out a hello back. He probably thought I was some crazy freak.

It was during this time when I started to imagine myself running a full marathon. I started to think of what I was going to wear on race day, what it would be like to cross the finish line. I started to think about all the girls I’m going to be running with from San Fransisco and Oregon, and how excited I am to see everyone and what a great weekend it will be. Then I started to think, well this is my FIRST marathon, I feel like I should dedicate this to someone. I thought about making a shirt that said, “In memory/honor or something along those lines, of my Mom.” I thought about putting a picture on the shirt, what I would want it to say. Then I started thinking about this more and more, and I thought about well if I ever make it to Boston, I would much rather dedicate that race to her, or the race I BQ at to her, and I don’t know if I want a shirt with her picture on it, or people to feel bad for me, etc. etc. Then my thought process changed to something else and I forgot about that.

Once I got to 8 miles I had to RACE to the bathroom back at my house. I realized this could be an issue, we are going to have to work on that. Then I got three more shot blok and took off again. While at home I also took off my arm warmers. I felt good on the 4 mile loop still and kept counting down the miles. For the first 8+4 loops I didn’t listen to music and just enjoyed my run, not caring about my pace. There was one spot where it smelled like a heap of dead fish, and another where it smelled so strongly of bacon. I realized I cannot smell things on my run or they make me gag. I thought I was going to throw up during these smelly points. There was a huge 177 mile relay race going on and I would smile at the racers walking or running by and sometimes encouraged them with something random like, “Way to go!” I’m so original, I know. They were running from Santa Barbara to Dana Point in relay teams. That was kind of exciting.

After four miles, I stopped at home and went to the bathroom yet again. I made sure both my ‘home’ stops were only three minutes. I took yet another gu and took off to finish this run. At this point it was pretty hot out so I decided to brave the elements and run without a shirt. That is the only way I’m getting back in shape. If I run without a shirt then I feel like I have to do extra sit ups. :) I grabbed my ipod for this last loop of the run as well because I knew this was going to be where I needed distractions. I took off and was into my run about 13 miles. Then in the distance I saw a huge crowd of walkers on the beach path. I knew this wasn’t just a random group of walkers, but it had to be yet another organized event. I was interested to see what it was again. I got closer and closer, and realized it was the Avon Breast Cancer Walk. After a little research this morning I realized it wasn’t the actual walk, but a Training Mock Walk, but still everyone was wearing pink and excited to be out and walking and raising awareness to breast cancer on this Saturday. It looked like it could be the real walk there were so many people.

Unexpectedly, I all of a sudden felt my heart start to burn with a familiar hurt, and my breathing was hard. This is when I lost it. I started crying. It was mile 14, I had 6 more to go and I was crying while running next to these walkers. My nose was sniffling and I was just looking down and reminding myself to keep going. To keep putting one foot in front of the other one. They were walking against the route I was running and all saw me crying while running along. Though I had my music on I could hear my breathing and it was weird like shallow wheezing.

I had done the Avon 3-day walk when my mom was still alive my junior year in High School. I had worn the pink gear, I had walked the 60 miles, and my mom (and entire family) were there supporting me through the entire thing. It was a great experience and seeing these women walking was just inspiring and it reminded me so much of my mom it turned me into a wheezing/running/crying mess.

I kept telling myself to suck it up and stop crying, but I couldn’t. It was a weird weird mile. I hate crying in front of other people and I just took some deep breaths and kept running. I remember feeling a tear go down my cheek and I thought to myself, really, REALLY you are seriously CRYING?! Then, just as quickly as I started choking up, I stopped crying and was okay to finish the run. The last 6 miler were good. It was once I got to mile 17, I was hurting, my butt was killing me. I have never even felt pain in my butt when I run at all. I got back to my house and thought about my run. I had completed it, I had broke down in the middle and still kept going. Sometimes that’s all you need to keep going. I took an ice bath and then showered and laid in my bed for some time watching the Penn Relays and the NFL draft.

I think it reminded me so much of my mom and how she would be so proud of me for running a full marathon. It reminded me so much of how many people are affected by breast cancer, and how many people we need to find a cure for. I’m sure people were like WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH THIS GIRL. When you are tired, and running, and crying, it’s hard to breathe.

Doing this run brought so many emotions out, looking back on it now, I would have NEVER expected that something like that would remind me of my mom, none the less make me cry and break down in the middle of a long run. It also made me realize that I can run a full marathon. I was beginning to get nervous and I know the brutalness of a full marathon doesn’t even come until the 20th mile, but you know what, bring it on. If you go in with the attitude that it’s going to be too hard, that you won’t like it, that it’s going to stink, that you’re hurt, that you can’t do it, guess what…

It is going to be too hard, you won’t like it, it is going to stink, you will be hurt and you won’t be able to do it.

I’ve played this mental game with myself, and almost got caught up in it again last night. Sunday after the 20 miler was my scheduled rest day and last night when I got home it was cold. I was exhausted and didn’t want to run, but decided to go out to ‘loosen up’ I planned to run a four miler but when I started I was incredibly sore. I didn’t even realize how sore I was. I told myself that I HAD to do four miles, and that if they were slow or fast they were going to get done, so I ran 2 miles out away from my house so I couldn’t go back after two miles. After the first mile, I had gotten rid of my sore stiffness and was chugging along and knew that I would be fine for four miles. So fine that my last mile was 7:45. I had to allow myself a chance for success.

The two weeks leading up to my 20 miler, I probably put in about 8 miles in each of those weeks. Believing in yourself works wonders. Running is hard, it’s just a mental game of pushing yourself to your personal limit. It’s not easy, but no one ever said anything that was worth it was easy. Allow yourself to succeed.

xoxo

This is the fourth post in my “Adoption April” series. This one is going to touch on all the facts that I know about my birth parents and how I feel about them, and if I want to meet them and why.

I know my birth mom’s name. I also know my Birth Dad’s name. I have never met either of them. There isn’t much information on either of them that my parents collected from them but I am glad that I know their names. I also know their birthdays and I know she was born in the midwest.

People always ask me if I want to meet them both or my birth mom. I do! I would love to meet her, and I just haven’t actively pursued it that much, you know life can be kind of busy! I am considering looking more into a private investigator and see what my options are. I know that is expensive though, so that would also take some time. Finding people isn’t the easiest thing in the world. I would completely understand if she or he didn’t want to meet me though, but I feel that it would be important at this time to get a family medical history report since so many diseases are genetic. I would hope that they would understand that and would be able to give me the family medical report. With that alone I think I would be happy as well.

I know I would be okay if they didn’t want to meet me, because I still think about their situation. Sometimes I wonder what she looks like, and what he looks like, even if they are still together or still talk. I also wonder if I would have any other siblings through either of them. Isn’t that weird to think about? I think that it would be cool to meet them, and see what their lives are like. I don’t want anything from either of them at all, and if they weren’t comfortable with meeting/talking/communication, I wouldn’t force it upon them either. I couldn’t even imagine the shock that they both must have had when I decided to enter the world.

As of right now, I have no idea where they are, what their lives are like, what they look like, or anything of that matter, but it does interest me. Also if I were to communicate with them, I would understand both of their apprehension if there was some. What would you do if your daughter that you hadn’t seen or heard from or about in 23 years all of a sudden reached out to you? It would blow my mind. I think there has to be a level of curiousness of both my and her mind though. Is that curiousness enough to pursue communication? I don’t know. Time will only tell.

I also realize that they will never replace my parents, and I would never even think that that would happen. I feel that if I was seeking them out because I felt abandoned or like I didn’t fit in with my family, or like I was unwanted, it would be a different issue, because then I realize that my feelings would be hurt if they didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I am interested to see what you guys think about this. I’m sure there are going to be some interesting comments. :)

If you have any emails for the next and sadly last, Adoption April (whoops it will be May) Question and Answer post please feel free to email me at (danicakoo) (at) (gmail) (dot) (com).

Here’s a funny picture of me and my brother. Funny thing, someone asked me if I was HIS MOM THIS WEEKEND.

Sorry that one is so bad quality. Me and the T. (who also just found out about my blog this weekend and did some reading on it… his quote, “Don’t use my name, I don’t want it to make it any easier for the government to track me.”)

As for the 20 miler. I did it this weekend. I still can’t believe I actually did it. Claude was along for the ride as well, and stuck with it. I have some funny pictures from the run, but maybe I’ll post them on Saturday but tomorrow will be the complete recap. Some very interesting things happened on the run and I can’t wait to share with you guys. I know, you’re all on the edge of your seat in anticipation.

xoxo

So I have nothing to say today. You’re all shocked I know. Well pick your jaw up off the ground. I’m worried about my 20 miler in the morning. I can only imagine how many bathroom breaks I’m going to have to take. Sadly these are the things I’m worried about. I thought this would be fun though, Amanda tagged me in this game, and who doesn’t want to know more about me??

Crazy 8 Tag:

8 Things I’m Looking Forward To:

1. Lunch: I brought hummus. Delish.
2. Running 20 miles tomorrow, because then I feel like I KNOW I’ll be able to run the full marathon in a little over 30 days
3. Warm weather, so I can keep working on my tan. (don’t worry, don’t send me hate mail. I wear sunscreen!)
4. A Possible upcoming photo shoot… (I’ll let you all know more lattttter :)
5. Doing nothing tomorrow after my run, preferable while watching the Ducks annihilate the Sharks (again!) in the Stanley Cup Playoffs once more and watching some Angel baseball.
6. Going to San Fran and meeting up with all my girls and running the SF half in July.
7. What flavors of Gu the store will have for my long run tomorrow morning. I hope they have chocolate.
8. Getting my car (the koo) washed on my lunch break because I haven’t washed it in SIX MONTHS

8 Things I Did Yesterday

1. Was on a conference call
2. Ate a chicken quesadilla from my favorite place, Super Mex
3. Was stuck in traffic on the way home from work
4. Went to Target and returned 2 things
5. Walked to Yogurtland for dessert
6. Ate a chicken salad sandwich
7. Ran three measly miles. Fail.
8. Drank 6 1 liter bottles of water. Consequently went to the bathroom 200 times.

8 Things I Wish I Could Do/Want To Do

1. Move out of CA
2. Go to the beach every day
3. Run faster! :) ( I know I know, I have to train harder, DUH)
4. Go back to Kauai!
5. Get a puppy
6. Run an ultra (one day!)
7. Get married (one day, far far away…)
8. Give back to people/community more (working on it)

8 Shows I Watch
1. The Office
2. Parks and Recreation
3. Millionaire Matchmaker
4. Make me a Supermodel
5. Dancing with the Stars
6. Biggest Loser
7. American Idol
8. The Hills (wha whaaa)

And how could I resist not putting in some more Kauai pics for this photo Friday by the lovely Nike Mom. Come on, the trip hasn’t worn off yet! :)

This is overlooking the Hanalei Valley again. Just me being a little creepy.

Well everyone, have a wonderful weekend. I’ll report back about the 20 miler on Monday! I am just telling myself, 10 miles out, 10 miles back. I’ll probably let you all know I’m alive still via my Twitter…

xoxo

So more glorious pictures for you to be jealous of. Grab a coke zero

After Waimea Canyon, we saw the spouting horn. It’s a blowhole that makes a lot of noise and it spouts water. Pretty sick. We watched it for ten minutes and then decided getting sun was more important.

This little guy was chillin’ on the beach! :) Monk seals are known to go to the shore after a feeding and they rest there. Don’t worry he’s NOT DEAD. They state of Hawaii is very protective of them and have someone guard them and they are also roped off so they will be ‘safe’. They put up signs like this one too.

Don’t worry he’s living the life.

The next day we went to the spa and got a massage. Ahhhhh. Then we decided to walk down to a beach by our hotel. Nothing really where we were staying was ‘close’ to the beach and a lot of beaches take a steep downhill to get there and a steep uphill to get back.

Yea, not so dangerous? It was a nice beach with barely anyone on it.

That night we also went to Postcards Cafe.

This is hideaways beach, you have to hike down 191 stairs/muddy rocks that are disguised as stairs to get there. Luckily there is a rope like thing to hold on too.

After Hideaways we drove to another beach, that had a little river that you had to cross to get to the beach.

It was kind of cold in the afternoon on this day and I was burning. I was stupid and didn’t put any sunscreen on my legs the day before thinking they already had some color. I forgot I’m not 10 anymore and burned crazy lines on my legs. Giant Fail. Luckily the next day I was fine after slathering aloe on them.

The next day we went to another beach, called Tunnels. It’s known for great snorkeling and Mr. R got some snorkel stuff. I am not one to snorkel. I hate when the fish get close, it freaks me out. He said he saw a turtle.

This was a picture taken on the way to Tunnels. See what I mean about being so green and lush?

Sadly, this was also the day we left to come back home. We checked out and got ready to come back to the ‘mainland’. Before leaving though, we stopped in over by the airport/harbor and got some delicious dinner at Dukes restaurant.

Other than that… The trip was simply amazing. I got some fat cold sores from spending a little too much time with my 2nd lover, the sun, which stinks now, but oh well it was more than worth it. We flew back on a red eye on Friday morning and then Friday night was KAYVMANIA. One of my roommates little brother’s best friends (I know him because we went to Hawaii together and we are kind of close in age) turned 21. He rented out the BigRedBus and we rode around in it and it took us to four different bars. I didn’t drink much but when I did it was keystone because that was free on the bus. So classy.

Me and the best friend, yup, we are wearing matching shirts for the party.

Party till you pass out. What am I? 15? Hilarious none the less and though I was tired it was a great time.

So that sums up my trip and last weekend.

Last night was wonderful. We decided on the counter and it was great food and the Angels finally got out of the losing slump. Mr. R got me the newest coach breast cancer awareness keychain, which is too cute. Tonight I’m going to get in some miles after work and I hope it cools down soon. Right now I’m really craving a cupcake or some Redbull. Perhaps a lot of sugar free Redbull.

Tomorrow = deals coming your way.

xoxo